


Tangled

by Miss_Peg



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Betrayal, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 21:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20785139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Peg/pseuds/Miss_Peg
Summary: Maya didn't expect Dean's girlfriend to be her ex. She didn't expect to feel something she hasn't felt for a long time. She didn't expect to sit and have a drink with her one night.





	Tangled

**Author's Note:**

> I've been rewatching the episodes recently. After watching season 2 I went back to season 1 and watched both s1 and s2, and then did it again. The more time I spend on that last episode of season 3, the more I can't stop thinking about a few things that happened. One of which is the focus of this story...
> 
> Don't worry, I'm still working on my Maya/Vic story.
> 
> Disclaimer: Station 19 is not mine, I only play at being a firefighter

The house boat was quiet.

Too quiet.

Most nights Maya could either hear Nikki and Dean, or else she was the one making all the noise with Jack. The absence of noise was disconcerting. Then again, it was two in the morning. She stood in the kitchen, sipping the same glass of water. As much as she couldn’t sleep, she didn’t really want to spend half the night going to the bathroom either.

“Oh. Hey.”

Maya looked up at the sound of her voice. The gentle whisper that was oh so familiar to her. Too familiar. She wanted to forget how that calm and beautiful voice sounded. It had haunted her for so many years and now it was there again, standing in the same room.

“Hey.” She emptied her glass and headed across the room.

The last couple of weeks she’d bumped into Nikki on the way out, or into, the bathroom, or as they arrived at, or left, the house. Every conversation was brief, or in the presence of Jack and Dean, which meant they usually ended up talking about firefighting.

“Don’t go,” Nikki said. She stepped in her way, blocking her physically, and unintentionally, emotionally. Maya looked into her eyes and all she could see was a history, a life of moments they’d shared, of the pain she’d caused. The first time they’d spent a moment alone together, and Maya felt her resolve fall apart. “Don’t go because of me.”

“I was gonna go back to bed.” Maya shrugged. She didn’t want to go back to Jack. Not right now. Not when she was faced with something so…big. “You can do whatever you were doing in peace.”

“I’d rather do it with company.” Nikki smiled and for a moment Maya wondered if she’d forgiven everything that had happened, or whether she was being nice for the sake of it. For Dean. Not that he knew what they’d been through. Neither he, nor Jack, knew the truth. Only that they were exes. “Before everything, we were friends.”

“You wanna be friends?” Maya’s eyebrows pulled together. Nikki’s voice didn’t betray any emotion, any hint of their past. “Or you wanna make Dean happy?”

“Both.” Maya scoffed. Nikki folded her arms, her lips pressed tightly together. “It can be both.”

“I guess.”

“Want some tea?” Nikki stepped out of Maya’s way and filled the kettle with water. Maya turned and watched her prepare two cups. She couldn’t find the words to say no, or yes. She wanted to be friends so badly; she wanted to do something to repair the guilt she still harboured. Maya leant on the counter and watched her make the tea the exact same way she made it when they were together. “Just the right amount of milk.”

“You remembered,” Maya said, her breath catching in her throat. She didn’t deserve this kindness.

“I remember a lot of things,” Nikki said, carrying her cup across to the couch and sitting down. Maya joined her. “You know me, always a sponge.”

“The only way you got through law school,” she remembered.

“Exactly.”

X

“I did not used to do that!” Maya said. Her stomach ached from the amount of laughter. In the distance, gentle snores filled any silence.

Nikki shrugged, a smile spread across her face. “Please! You loved the attention. ‘Anyone want to see my gold medal?’”

“I do not sound like that.” Raising her eyebrows, Nikki merely smiled. “I don’t!”

“It was always look, but don’t touch.”

The conversation flowed far more freely than Maya expected. Once they’d got past the initial awkwardness and on to their past memories, it was like reminiscing with an old friend. The familiarity of their exchange made her happy, playful. She didn’t want to admit the feelings bubbling up inside.

“You were the only one allowed to handle the goods...” Maya chewed on her lower lip. She knew it was a terrible thing to say, if only because their boyfriends were both asleep in neighbouring rooms.

Nikki laughed, and leant forward. Her hand landed on Maya’s bare knee and she knew that what she’d said had hit where she’d hoped. Where she should never have hoped. “I know you can’t be talking about your medal because nobody was allowed to touch that, not even me.”

“Maybe.” Maya uncrossed her legs, dislodging Nikki’s hand. She sat up a little straighter. Whatever attraction she felt in that moment, she could not go there again. Not now. Not ever.

The slightest crease formed between Nikki’s eyebrows. She wanted to ask her about it, but it was too dangerous. They were walking on the edge of an icy lake and one false move could trap them beneath. She stood up.

“Guess it’s time for bed,” she said. Nikki stood opposite. She reached out her hand and grasped Maya’s. She could feel herself slipping further across that lake, closer to the thinnest stretch of ice. She glanced down at Nikki’s hand and back up at her face.

“I’m sorry,” Nikki said, closing the space. Maya swallowed, her throat ached. She couldn’t find the words. Nikki stepped closer. “I didn’t know how much I missed you.”

She should have spoken. She should have pushed her away. She shouldn’t have lifted her hands, or cupped her cheeks. She certainly shouldn’t have captured her lips with her own. They didn’t speak, but hands trailed across skin, Nikki’s finger tickled the small of Maya’s back. She lifted her arms and Nikki pulled her tshirt up and over, until both shirts were on the floor and their half-naked bodies pressed together.

A loud snore from one of the bedrooms pulled them apart. Maya stepped a few feet back, her chest heaving with every breath, her heart thrummed against her chest. They stared at each other, eyes locked, history, betrayal, guilt.

“We shouldn’t be...someone could...” Nikki finally said, motioning to the bedrooms as she pulled her tshirt back over her body.

“You’re right.” Maya wiped the back of her hand across her lips, still parted in shock. She could feel Nikki’s mouth against hers, a ghost of a moment she both regretted and hoped for a repeat of. “I...I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“No, I mean, I’m sorry.” Maya cleared her throat. She forced herself to look her in the eye again. “About everything. All these years. It was my fault. I shouldn’t...if I hadn’t...”

Nikki closed her eyes and lowered her head. She closed the space between them once more, interlinking their fingers. “I’ve waited a long time to hear you say sorry. You say we shouldn’t like we can’t ever go back.”

Aghast, Maya shook her head. She felt honest for the first time in a long while, completely and utterly honest. Ask her any question and she’d say what was in her head; good, bad, right, wrong. She continued shaking her head. “We can’t.”

“Can’t we?”

“Jack and Dean are my friends, they’re family.”

Nikki nodded; tears glistened in her eyes, a break in her voice. “I didn’t expect this to happen, but now that it has, I guess I have to end things.”

“I...I didn’t want this for Dean. He deserves to be happy.”

Maya tried to pull her fingers back, but Nikki’s grip was too strong, and she’d left them there for too long. “We deserve to be happy. If you want. For years I always said if the world brings us back together, then there’s a reason for that.”

“I can’t do that to Dean. I can’t break his heart.”

“I can’t be with him knowing you’re in my life,” Nikki said. “I can’t be with you and not with you. What if this happens again?”

“I’m with Jack. I’m happy.”

“Are you?”

She turned away. The years they’d been apart were long. They didn’t know each other anymore, and yet, she could see the person Nikki had always been. People changed, but people also stayed the same, deep down. Jack was great, she cared deeply for him, but when she thought about it, she didn’t picture the wedding and marriage she knew he would one day desire.

“I can’t do this.” She headed for the bedroom. She couldn’t have this conversation anymore. Not now. Not tonight. Not when she was about to climb back into Jack’s bed with memories of kissing Dean’s girlfriend.

In the dark she lay beside Jack. His arm trailed across her stomach. She could hear Dean’s bedroom door open and close, then again, before finally the front door of the house. Sleep was a long way from where Maya was. A lump formed in her throat and she attempted to push it down, instead a couple of tears trailed down the sides of her face.

In just a couple of hours, her whole world had become much more complicated.

**Author's Note:**

> Curious to know your thoughts on this one...


End file.
